Saturday, March 14, 2015

I feel like people have ruined my chances.  I always did what I was supposed to.  I didn't do anything I shouldn't racially and care about those who did!

What I'm up To

free/low paying experience in acting

getting thinner by jogging 1/2 hour a day
I guess some people believe one is graced with racial superiority like a king or princess rather than earned like a democrat.
Well, I will continue to think I an whiter than most white people and don't lack the authority.

I didn't talk myself outta my affinity with other heritages.

Dr. Phil - Facebook

(women standing up for women)

I just tell it like is is. This doesn't necessarily happen often for me.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Asians can be considered white.

Especially mixed ones. You decide. 

Stand-Up

So, literally, my family is forcing me to be unattractive, like to look like them and my mom's race.

Soldier

"You live like an animal, you react like an animal."

You know what someone did?

They said they could degrade someone racially but gave me Hell for making fun of them for hurting me when they weren't hurt.

Well, guess what I did.  You have no right to practice degrading me racially for 10 years.  You wouldn't know my race.

I am not gonna make fun of the white race, but I can still make fun of the people in it.

Don't take offense to the simple facts.  I didn't attack you..
I noticed you treat full Asians with respect and want to think I have the benefits of some mongrel.  Like I'm to bow to your stupid submission.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: How come Asians are not considered white?

Right, just because some Asians look older does not mean the rest will be worse. 

Re: How come Asians are not considered white?

Cuz the whitest they look is dark for Europeans. Even if whites are tan, it's not natural. 

Dr. Phil - Facebook

No, parents today don't deserve my respect.

Dr. Phil has talked about parents being friends instead of parents. You know, my mom thought of me as a friend possibly and was with my younger brother more when older.

Just because you had sex does not make you a parent. Dr. Phil needs to learn that level of taking about parents.

Dr. Phil's son who has kids gladly puts them with his parents, like he needs them to lean on and therefore cannot stand without them. That's not my plan, at all. I don't feel attracted to my parents how they usually are as people. That wouldn't be the right word. So, why do some kids feel so glued to their parents? Can't they take care of their own kids?? Don't they like themselves?

Supposedly, you can earn the right to be called a teacher. I had a teacher who wanted to socialize get promoted as principal.

Edit

I edited that post rather than the 2 extra posts, "Pathetic."
How would you like to be told you're nothing like you're your race in a way you don't like?  I just saw it happen.  You think aw it didn't hurt.  That's just callousness.  Just cuz yer bad and usually out of luck aesthetically in your environment does not mean you do that.   I realize the world does not come crashing down for you.  It's not always about Johnny Depp.

Dr. Phil - Facebook

Parents today aren't as good.
This is like when Ellen wore red on the Academy Awards to signify a certain person with red hair as though she's got people born around 1997-1998 covered, like you're an issue if you're not.  She's got them covered even before they're awake and they're still young.  They don't gotta do anything.  I'm not talking about the person but the message she's getting across.

Slept

I was sleeping with war on and had a dream about someone hiding.

Pathetic

I'm watching about war, and it's very annoying.  I know somehow those people know about me and this other person and they're just trashing me.  I don't wanna deal with this.

This is the kind of thing.  People just act mean and iffy around me because I thought somene wanted me to call them the N word.  And if that's the origina problem, I should anyway not be held for cursing about the noises in my room.  Lots of people curse.  It was on my blog.  I wasn't attcaking anyone.

Edit: I didn't make any comment about the other person getting attention, but just so you know what they're doing.  They just hate me!  They are being nice to the other person.

Mad Like With Burton and Depp

Not just at them.

Wow, so people in private have been comparing me to people like Bella Thorne as ***?

Why do others matter so much and my entrance to the world a hurl of crap?

IMDb - The Soapbox

Anyone here 18 and under and chosing a college major?

Physicists do advanced science and discovery, it seems. I was thinking of my interest in mechanical engineering. It must be hard to decide depending on the college you want, but I guess you could find one that meets all your needs.

If you've done an art, you might consider being like me and pursuing that. 

Acting etc.

I've submitted myself twice in the past day.

They're probably both small things.

New Audio of Me Singing

I give up.

I guess I'm off limits to criticizing honestly about some things.  Maybe, it's just hard to talk about, too bad.  I deleted a post.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Is my life of development over?

Dr. Phil - Facebook

Petty arguments, but that's what it is!

---

People need to do more than just their family.  Some are all over their jobs in business.

---

Make sure the person knows about what has to do with their personal aspirations in life. They must be able-bodied.

---

I don't let people in my life who are in it. They are watching me with secret cameras and being mean.

---

They are just making fun of the nanny.
You just need to know I'm no.

It looks like I really need to get on Dr. Phil.

Everyone is arranging my life according to silly things that happened because of how hard it is to be in Orlando.  I can prove it.  That Orlando is hard to get by in.  I just fee agitated to meet them, like I messed something up in my life.

So what if I wrote a lotta e-mails?  Do I go to prison for life?

Dr. Phil - Facebook

(who has the problem, nanny refuses to leave and owner upset)

It seems you'd say the owner has the problem with the nanny.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: I'd like to make an apology to the Asian girl

You know, the Asians we've met don't look European like me, but people will lie and refused to glorify me for it. 

New Audios of Me Singing


"Bust a move" doesn't mean any joke, just what it says.
Blame me for a reaction I had as an infant?  I must have also had a hard time besides myself.  I am not an infant, like on Family Guy.
You know, what is the point in ruining my nose?  Your nose was built as a baby.
So, mar my body and make my nose and face ugly making noises but let the spoiled brats bust a move.
Someone thinks that "the moves" are there for people born in 1997.  Something came to mind.  I don't see how that matters to me.

Interesting

It must be hard and a frustration raising an Asian kid.  I think my voice wasn't good enough at 5 when I wanted to be a singer.

It's funny you all like to submit to my dad.  I grew up following all his rules, when you didn't.  I surpassed him when I could morally.

IMDb - Politics

What if we find that even with a black President Americans are racist..

..against mixed people? 

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Some things never change.

People don't want to be the one to talk to Asians while everyone else watches.

I like Asians, but I don't really like when they try to act American and Caucasian by putting a false front. 

Schedule

Watching Ellen and Phil as of now.
Why would you say I was bad racially?  What did I do?  I am not all my ancestors..
I'm peeling myself from Twitter and Facebook.
How do people experience feelings?  The internet?  Tim Burton?  Johnny Depp!
I want to enjoy culture, like The Voice, but I think it's about people younger than me.. and I don't want it to be about me for no reason.
So, how am I bad?  For getting upset when people attack?  They need to be put in their place.
Do you know people who don't understand anger?

TPotO

THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA - 25th Anniversary Tour Auditions
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Posted: February 26, 2013
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THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA (Tour)
– Equity Chorus Call for Singers
25th Anniversary TourProduction Contract; $1754
Produced by Cameron Mackintosh and The Really Useful Theater Company in association with NETworks Tours
Music: Andrew Lloyd Webber
Lyrics: Charles Hart
Additional Lyrics: Richard Stilgoe
Book: Richard Stilgoe & Andrew Lloyd Webber
Based on the novel ‘Le Fantôme de l’Opéra’ by Gaston Leroux
Orchestrations: David Cullen & Andrew Lloyd Webber
Musical Supervisor: John Rigby
General Manager: Gentry & Assoc.
Casting: Tara Rubin Casting
Choreographer: Scott Ambler
Director: Laurence Connor
Production overseen by Matthew Bourne & Cameron Mackintosh
Equity Chorus Call / SINGERS:
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
9:30 – Equity female singersat Pearl Studios 500
1:30 PM – Equity male singers500 8th Ave.Penthouse
Prepare a BRIEF song from legit musical theatre/standard opera or operetta repertoire, preferably in English. Do not sing pop or rock music. Please bring your book of music with you, in case you are asked for a second selection. An accompanist will be provided.
Please bring a picture and resume, STAPLED TOGETHER.
Women should be sopranos (lyric or coloratura), mezzo sopranos, or contraltos, with strong legit musical theatre or opera voices; a range of character players

Men should be strong legit musical theatre or opera tenors, baritones, or basses. Two of the basses in the chorus must sing to low F; a range of character players
Seeking male and female singers for all vocal chorus ensemble positions (tenors, baritones, basses, lyric and coloratura sopranos, mezzos and contraltos) and to understudy the following in the new Touring Production:
CHRISTING DAAE:20s: beautiful young singer. Soprano voice that combines elements of classical and pop singing. Sings G below middle C to high E
THE PHANTOM:30s – 40s: high baritone or tenor (with a strong low range) with a contemporary sound. Able to sustain high G# with ease in full voice and high C# in falsetto. Looking for a truly dynamic actor with excellent acting and singing ability.
RAOUL, VICOMTE de CHAGNY:20s – 30s: dashing, handsome young aristocratic man who falls in love with Christine. Contemporary high baritone/tenor (2 octave range from A flat to A flat).
MONSIEURS FIRMIN (the hard money man – Baritone with high E/F)& ANDRE(charming with artistic temperament – Baritone: high G with ease): 30s – 50ish; the managers of the Paris Opera House. Trying to be elegant, they are slightly befuddled and bumbling. Need good instincts for stylish comedy.
CARLOTTA GIUDICELLI:30s – 40s; the prima donna of The Paris Opera. A diva in every sense of the word. Coloratura soprano, to high E. Requires opera training.
MADAME GIRY:Late 30s – early 50s; the Opera’s ballet mistress. An ominous, stern, forbidding figure. Mezzo soprano to high B flat with no discernible break between head and chest
MEG GIRY:Should convincingly play late teens to early 20s; A young, petite ballet dancer with a strong mezzo soprano to G. Needs strong classical dance technique and excellent pointe work
UBALDO PIANGI:30s – 50s; the opera’s leading tenor, Italian operatic tenor, companion to Carlotta. Sings to high C. Requires opera training.
BUQUET:MIDDLE aged to elderly “character man”. The head flyman of the Opera Populaire. Bass baritone but required to sing to E.
Casting for The Phantom of the Opera is interracial. Singers of all ethnic backgrounds and races are encouraged to attend.
I wonder if no one knew my race and my life went smoothly racially that I'd be as great as Chris Mann.

TPotO

link

The Phantom of the OperaOne of the original British mega-musicals, The Phantom of the Opera is approaching its 30th anniversary on Broadway. Despite almost three decades under its belt, the Harold Prince-directed spectacle still brings it, with a sweeping love story set on the stage and in the shadows of the opulent Paris Opera House. The Andrew Lloyd Webber score still soars, the show’s grandeur still delights — and oh yeah, there’s that chandelier drop that ups the drama and excitement at every performance. Even major Broadway fans have managed to skip it over the years when newer musicals came on the scene or when short-run, Hollywood-star-driven vehicles distracted them. Which makes this the year to finally see it for yourself. The musical currently stars Tony nominee Norm Lewis, most recently seen in one of the title roles in The Gershwin’s Porgy and Bess, as Broadway’s first African-American PhantomGet tickets

Norm Lewis as the Phantom in 'The Phantom of the Opera' (Photo: Joan Marcus)

I would be honored to work with him. I wonder who Christine is. In The Nutcracker they had the Royal Ballet with a girl who looked mixed as Clara, seemed mixed with African.  I saw it in theaters around the world live, like they did the 25th anniversary of The Phantom of the Opera.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

IMDb - The Soapbox

Post what you wish you did growing up, like school classes.

I wish I always went to public school because in the end I lost too much sleep over busywork. It would be a dream to succeed in private Catholic schools. It just didn't work out.

Activities, gymnastics is strenuous and dangerous and I never was on a team. Imagine slipping off the horse. Ballet is inspiring but often a bit weird. Do you see the alien-looking girls? Plus, that's a strict schedule and people wanna do something different.

I'll at least go for high school, thinking back as an adult. I was in public school most of high school, at the beginning. Some girls on dance team transferred to public after a year I think. It's funny when I transferred to Catholic I was not allowed to do sports, for 1 year.

Freshman
1- English I - Gifted
2- Geometry - Gifted
3- World Geography
4- Physical Science - Honors
5- Freshman Orientation / Civics
6- Talented Music - Singing
7- Talented Theater

Sophomore
1- English II - Gifted
2- Algebra II - Gifted
3- World History - Honors?
4- Biology - Honors
5- JROTC I
6- Talented Music - Singing
7- Talented Theater

Junior
1- English III - AP/Gifted
2- American History - AP/Gifted
3- Chemistry - Honors
4- JROTC II
5- Talented Music - Singing
6- Talented Theater
7- Talented Art

Senior
1- English IV - AP/Gifted
2- Health/Free Enterprise
3- JROTC III
4- Talented Music - Singing
5- Talented Theater
6- Talented Art
7-

After School - Ballet

College - Loyola University New Orleans - Singing & Ballet (Foreign Language - French)

What I'm Doing Now - I guess I'm trying to make it as a classical crossover/musical theater singer. 

K

Bout to watch Ellen, worried what will happen online when I do.  I didn't exactly leave off on the best contemporary note.  I feel I'm dragging on and on.

Dr. Phil - Facebook

Dr. Phil - Facebook

For getting at us for every little thing wrong, they sure have taken a turn towards others themselves.
For getting mad at me if I lay one finger on the princess's pillow, you sure hack the hell outta me.

Dr. Phil - Facebook

I have the feeling no one wants me to be a smart alec.
ha ha I forgot what that meant, but it was pretty funny.
Do you want me to be set up as a failure?

IMDb - The Soapbox

Post your school grades.

Daycare - N/A ðŸ˜–
Pre-K - ungraded?
K - placed in Gifted
1st - As and Bs
2nd - As?
3rd - As?
4th - As?
5th - A+
6th - A+
7th - A+
8th - Valedictorian
Freshman - 4.0
Sophomore - 4.0
Junior/Senior - 4.1
College
-age 16 - English 1 & Art Appreciation - A
-freshman - all As and 1 B+ in music
8 semesters - Fs & Ws 

Dr. Phil - Facebook

  • Victoria Emanuel I never disagree with Dr. PHIL.
    BUT this time I do. You say WE ARE LIVING IN A DIFFERENT TIME- THESE DAYS. Yes she raised her kids successfully and no harm brought to them. But yes she is putting herself and possible family members in harms way
    I feel u are contradicting yourself by saying it's NOT THEIR BUSINESS
    Like · Reply · 1 hr
    • Julie Kaser Its not the daughters, but the husband should care. If he doesn't, don't stay. Going to have very confused kids thinking her way. If you're u happy, move on and give everyone a chance
    • Julie Kaser True about above statement. Frustrating when someone gives silent treatment because they won't talk.
    • Christina Ann Joanna Barrett Maybe, she needs to be pulled away.

New Picture on My Website

Relatives

I wonder if they realize that people with the ethnicity of her father can turn out to be a lot like us.

The Funniest Part Was

that there are teens out there who really are childlike, but this generation always gets spoiled so they'll have to make it calculated out in the end somehow.

Belitting Me

Lot of us wanna be "childlike."  That doesn't mean it's time to take the reigns blindly.  And to belittle someone.  You don't go doing that to everyone who has had a dream to be childlike because that would be a bigger problem with the rest of the world.
You may wish you had a scenario, but I don't have this kinda beef with that girl.  I mean, I am nice to her and not retarded as a person, as well.  (Meaning I'm not retarded, not that anyone else is.)

You wanna treat me like you treated everyone else.  I didn't do bad things like you other people.  So, see if you're mature enough to count me out.

Dr. Phil - Facebook

It is true the girl is a vulture over her grandma?  It was nice of Dr. Phil to suggest a relationship with her grandma.  She seems to definitely want one.

Dr. Phil - Facebook

If that's so, then try having a relationship like being with my parents.
I wish other people would load their singing.  Maybe, they are afraid of the copyright monster.

Cooled Down

Argh!  Is there anything wrong with my submissions to Dr. Phil?

Also, I don't like getting in trouble.  That's not what life's even about.

Dr. Phil - Facebook

People tend to live double lives in their fantasies when they get hungry for love.

---

I'm not being pushed to have a relationship with my family, as tho I don't have one good enough, at age 28.  You start out in the family, and as each year goes by you get further and further from the apron strings of home.  I don't know why you think these girls have to have a relationships with their family if they detest what they supposedly do so much.  They probably don't like their relationship.  That's why they wanted to get on the show, I think.  Maybe, it's just time for them to grow up and stop vulturing around the home.  I can certainly see where that's true with this family.

If you noticed that Dr. Phil said this family should not sever its ties in particular, I can see where the affinity must be strong.  It reminds me of a Spanish family.  They are probably Italian or something.  They tend to be more showy as people.  I think Dr. Phil was just pointing out that their relationship should exist and be healthy.  It seems like they can have one and there's no reason not to, even tho the girls are dreadfully old.

---

I am ready for relaionships as in friends and have been for a long time.

---

Maybe, the girl is afraid of danger from the husband.

---

I never had time for it, but it looks like fun.  I liked JROTC and won a physical fitness award, if not thee award for females.

---

Well, if you say you should stop bullies.  No, you don't need to care/worry.  Just do your business.

me practicing for Phantom and as Phantom!

the 1st one a bit earlier





With my neat last Psychology post, why do I feel like I'm getting up there and things are going good?  Like I'm a celeb who's about as organized as Twitter.
If everything is indeed all proper, why was I being made fun of?  Life's not perfect.  You'd know where people stand.  Did you miss me?  "Huh?  Huh?"  It doesn't look like anyone misses "me" or I've changed too much.  What's a girl to do?  Just tell me I'm bad to begin with?

Is this one of those cases where Tweety Bird is already set up?  Where you're the one who's bad to begin with?  So any making fun of you is the status quo?  You can't be serious, then.  People don't tend to like all apologize to me, after what I'm put thru all the time.  I don't know, someone is causing the trouble or it just happened.

"No hard feelings."

I guess the points are that life isn't really proper, even though I did something that seemed wrong to you and if it was is probably my personal business or the business of someone who's not just snoping around.

I'm known as perfect.  Why would people bother me when I'm the one who gets attacked every day emotionally?  Isn't there a reason I thought off?  I know that there are other times when people are mean-a ha gotcha!  I'm not saying it was right to think.  Do you ever wonder what people out there think in private?  If you weren't told, would you care?  What would you do then?

I said I was sorry, but I'm not a bad person.  People are watching my private thoughts, and it's hard to be chemically balanced.

Sorry.

Do you have something you wanna talk about - no, just wait for me to do something someone doesn't like so I can be in trouble and strangely not someone else.  No offense, don't go making things  up about my italicized words..  :|

Let's Talk @ love

What do you think about how important it is to make sure a singled out teen gets stimulated?  Like in a modern wacky more stimulated way.  See, that's just the thing.  I'm not trying to insult her.  I'm concerned and that's why I really posted this.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

New Virtual Makeover of Me


Dr. Phil - Facebook

Yes, my mom is merely a cancer survivor. It was hard news, but I never dwelled on something like that. I am up and ready to comfort her about losing sight in 1 eye. I am devastated but don't do anything.

I guess you can do what I do and make your life a batte of problems that exist like you're a big stuck in a field of grass and the problems are the blades of grass.

Dr. Phil - Facebook

(integrity when no one watches)

That's the only time when you'd think nothing matters.

---

I've always just been addicted to masturbation, but not excessively.  Is that the same as sex?  I don't know why I am.  I feel it's like my way of cutting except with the opposite feeing.  I notice people don't talk about it much, tho.  It is kinda fun and in some ways a peak of existence, when it shouldn't be.  I don't think it's my fault I feel that way.

---

(show on Bobbi Kristina Brown)

I think she misses her mama.

Submission to Dr. Phil

Dear Dr. Phil Show,

I made a list of things that have bothered me and led to being treated the way I am today.


---

MY POINT

•BEFORE: used to always be caled shy, sweet, and smart and Miss Perfect
•AFTER: now have accumulated a strange case of guilt in my more recent past that other people seem to sense and hate me for today

RACE (ETHNICITIES)

•BEFORE: used to be treated with care but felt left out still
•AFTER: mercilessly treated like I'm not white racially

---

GUILT AND PROBLEMS ACCUMULATED THRU MY LIFE
This may be what people tap into when they express dislike..

•FORGETTING TO WRITE (maybe age 9) I forgot to write back my cousin until I was about 25.

•SPEAKING OUT (age 9) The music teacher's daughter got glasses.  Before I could control it what came out was, "I'd rather go blind than wear glasses."  I thought people who were blind seemed more romantic.  I said sorry PMing on Facebook when I was about 25, and she said, "No worries."

•SPEAKING OUT (age 11) I saw my brother's 1st grade class on their way to music, and I said hi.  The teacher didn't say to stop but seemed to think it was iffy.  It made me feel I did not know how to control myself anyway in my subconscious.

•SPEAKING OUT (age 11) When my dad came home from work, I'd say, "Oh, no," for about a week until my mom said to stop in private.  My dad never asked why.  I didn't finish my homework and wanted time to be with him.  It was a joke and I wanted to see him react, but in a way I think it just came out.  I did not mean to be mean.  I made up reasons for why I did it tho I didn't want to, I bet.  The funny thing is I stayed up til past 1 doing homework when I moved and started to slow down around then, as well, tho I still made the grade.

•LOST MY 4.0 AND HOSPITALIZED (age 16) I never had lecture and reading history classes until American History AP/G in 11th grade.  I was calld to the counselor after I know I lost my 4.0, and going during classes made the other A's drop.  At Chrsitmas Eve, I was curled up in a ball in my room and partly I know for that reason went to the mental hospital on New Year's Eve.  I said not to give me medicine before my parents left me, but they lied.  I got diagonsed with nothing but to take some schizophrenia pills for awhile.

•KICKED OUT OF MY COLLEGE MAJOR (age 19) They said I was too shy.  They wasted time in class so much I didn't memorize my piano piece, and I feel wary of that being the real reason, which they could get in trouble for I bet.  My major was Vocal and Instrumental Music Education.  I know I was in the library fo r a new required Music History class, an intro class, like 2 or 3 times a week.  That's where the practice time went each day.

•MY LIFE AS AN EXPERIMENT (age 19) After I was kicked out of my major, as well as the singing lesson course, people acted like a singing teacher was watching me in private via little cameras.  I wold get messages from others from her, like in the clothes they wore.  I heard ticks in my room.  I do now, too.  In the end, I figured it was an experiment before.  I never once then thought it had anything to do with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory alone that I remember well enough, and the magnitude of that thought didn't cross my mind that I can remember clearly.  So, it was not a big issue.  Anyway, that's what was big at the time, like I heard Pirates of the Caribbean was and knew about Star Wars and that it has a strong fanbase.  I was supposed to be some pretty girl with gold hair and find my real family which would be more like the norm with me a the baby and I was really 16 and not 19.  After that, it got even bigger.  Hurricane Katrina hit, and I moved to college up north that semester, near Cleveland, Ohio.

•MAGIC OR ALIEN COMMUNICATION (mostly age 19) I started to hear talking to me from way out in the open outside and when inside sometimes, as well.  Some of the things that happened I thought were aliens, but I thought it was just life, if not me hearing things.  I heard like a cartoon devil inside like he was sucking milk from me.  I can't remember what the voices outside said.  I know I heard a little girl who was supposed to be my youngest of 8 kids chattering her teeth like she was cold.  I heard a little black guy with slanted cross eyes with blue instead of the white saying, "I'll save you from falling down, Christina! I'll save you from falling up!"  I heard a lot of things I can't remember.  Also, there was like a wheezing distant noise, kinda bubbly and probably wet say, "How can I help you?"  My back turned to Jello, but I didn't tell anyone until at least like 5 years later, when they didn't care.  I couldn't reach a phone and my roommate was gone.  I was in bed 3 days and having to pee but couldn't.  I imagined there were creatures around me.  Before, I lay in bed once and I felt my right forearm grew a foot and back in a minute.  It hurt then, but I felt better later.  There were blood drops on both armpits, one for a week.  I developed strange smells, too.  In the laundry room, I saw a huge mechanical bug crawl and go into the floor.  That, I thought, was alien life.  Things had spun out of control.  I often heard other worldly footsteps and maybe doors closing atop my dorm room, where there was another, but it sounded like from another world.  I was a very good person and it seemed like I deserved it, as would anyone I feel, to live with trust that there is an afterlife or another world and we are not flesh and bone.  It all stopped when I could not pass a Music History test, gradually but sometimes resurfacing.  I also saw a ghost as I was waking up in the night at my Gramma's when we were visiting before she moved down to Florida.  It was a ee thru blue boy leaning over like an L saying about my mattress, "I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable."  I sometimes saw black shadows for real, and as he disappeared, I saw a spiralling black mass exit the window.  My Gramma lived in NY state.

•FLUNKED 8 SEMESTERS (age 19-26) I either failed or was withdrawn.  Once, there were workers outside my room.  I went into non-honors, and it was too hard, the reading and lecturing, which I never had in school before like that.  I didn't seem to have much time, and my dorm was further away.  Next semester, I tried again, a free semester from the hurricane semester being canceled.  I heard suicidal noises in my ear a lot and would sprawl out lifeless on my dorm bed.  I tried having to pick a major, Pre-Med Chemistry for Psychiatry.  It was too hard and I came home.  I took courses online, 18 credits, and failed.

•SPAMMED FRIENDS AND FAMILY (20/21) I used to keep e-mailing people about my life and my positive suggestions, even when they did not respond because I was in an environment where I thought for some reason I had nothing to do, forgot I could get a blog.
•STARTED ARGUING (20/21) I was upset that the ballet teacher's daughter, who was a few years younger, stopped talking to me like I wasn't the same race.  It got me upset and I told her, nothing too bad and no cursing.  I felt distraught.

•KICKED OUT OF JOHNNY DEPP GROUPS ONLINE (21) I used to talk a lot and they would get mad at me and I'd get kicked out.  On IMDb, I think they were secretly racist and discriminating of when I started posting there later.

•USED STORE CARDS (22) My parents said it was too much to pay back with my allowance, tho I am now on SSI.

•WAS TOLD TO CALL SOMEONE THE N WORD (age 23)  I thought Tim Burton went online and was calling me not white/Caucasian like other people.  I thought since how he treated his daughter, who was part Jew, and signals that I was to call her the N word to make it seem more friendly, so I ended up doing it.  Now, especially because of the nuances found in Pirates of the Caribbean 4, everyone knows and people were mean to me for that for awhile.

•HOSPITALIZED IN A MENTAL HOSPITAL (age 23) I threw some things, and my mom seemed to be insulting me in secret message.  My dad said to call 911.  I was taken there for a month and the doctor said because I took pills for schizophrenia before that that's what I had, along with bipolar and Aspergers Autism.

•IN TROUBLE WITH ELLEN DEGENERES (age 25) I want to get out of being in trouble with Ellen.  She was nice, but then she put annoying noises in my room and affected how the pages on my computer load.  They were insulting and hurt, so I cursed about it, trying not to curse about her but ended up cursing about my dad instead because I almost cursed more to her.  So, I'm in trouble for something she started.  I was cursing about pain mostly.  I didn't try to get nasty an detailed to anyone.

•KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL (COMMUNITY COLLEGE) (age 26) I took 3 theater classes in a row from a teacher I liked who taught speaking here at Disney since the 1980s.  The class would tap in and annoy me and so would she at least eventually.  I left the room once to tell the counselors how I felt.  They didn't do anything other than talk.  Sometimes, in class I had gotten up and left to get away from them somewhere else in the room.  Once, the teacher ripped my paper with a pen and when she bothered me, I did it, too.  She told me not to leave the room like I did that one time.  Once I kicked 2 boys's chairs but not to hurt them.  The teacher never said anything about that stuff.  I found myself at the counselor.  I was told the teacher said I went to the bathroom too much.  Therefore, they kicked me out.  I was very upset.  My mom took me to my therapist.  I called the police on them kicking me out just because they felt like it.  I was taken back to the mental hospital and put on medicine again.  This time, if I lived at home, I had to be on medicine.

•SICK MOM (age 28) She cannot see out of 1 eye and has breast and bone cancer but is a survivor.  I thought Ellen made her wear glasses and got upset and thought she was an adult so said not meaning to sound mean but maybe just using the word that she was masturbating in pleasure over giving my mom glasses.  I finally went to delete it and it was gone.  I am worried that is 1 reason why.  It is like why didn't it happen to me?  Why do different people deserve or not deserve things due to those they know making them look bad and being supposedly bad to others?

•WORRIED ABOUT WHAT THE WORLD DOES (age 28) I was suspicious that people were actively getting people killed, like Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Robin Williams, Brittany Murphy, Maya Angelou, more, and non-famous people.  I don't know what group of people.

•OTHER - Once I posted that I thought Jim Carrey knew I posted my brother's pictures online without consent/being allowed because I was confused, and I thought it made him uncomfortable what he did to notice.  Now, Jim Carrey has 1 partially fake front tooth.

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TREATMENT WORRIES

•The mental hospitals I went to were very bad in Orando.  In New Orleans, I was let go without saying I had any problems.  I don't believe I have any problems as far as a mental illness goes.  If I act shy or coy, that's just people jealous of my personality and getting attention for being shy and cute.

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If you would like more info, here is a site I made for the Dr. Phil Show: http://christinabarrett4.wix.com/drphil.

Also, I've been watching the show and participating online every day for about 2 months.



Thank you so much!

Sincerely,
Christina Barrett

Dr. Phil - Facebook

I have come to the conclusion that people on drugs are gonna have and cause some kinds of problems.

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It's funny how you always talk to people who need help as in rehab or drugs.

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You have to get over things quickly to move on right away. Life is always eating at you.

Being on Top

So, people are rubbing into me that someone should be stuck up?

Things for many people have not been perfect.  Maybe, you can help here, since you believe this person is special.

People are not perfect but get surprises.

I guess different people have made it their quest to cause others to venerate another and prostrate, or make menial, themselves.  That, "menial," sounds like a suggestion to some.  Do these people deserve that, tho?

That's great if you found someone you like.  I dunno about the rest of the people you like, like if you like this person better.  Of course, anyone would like anyone better in some way.

How this person is good?  They just are positive and attractive and are lucky to have a good family.  However, I know my family makes assumptions that the world will take to their kids.  It's not always so.  Maybe, in most ways they are on top.  However, there are things in the world already put into play where others get attention sometimes and not them.  I think that's the issue with this example.  I said with another it was that they thought they were better than others too much, like that others weren't good or I guess simply don't, will not, and cannot have "the right 'plan.'"  They think they also stick up for others in this way, and it seems uncomfortable for someone to think in that way and a way that others do make fun of, as tho that had been inevitable.

I am afraid you want to think that everyone was mean to this person.  Also, I was thinking like you didn't think other poeple were as good.  You think this person has been put up.  They're lucky they got a role that was worth it cuz there aren't any others like that I know of in a way..  That made me wonder about things I've done.  Other people have done this thing but not famously.  I don't think you can eliminate any good person to use as sacrifice for the cause of bringing out how good 1 person is you like.  If you eliminate 1, then why?  There's a bunch.  In that choice, one must be taking advantage of a situation or taking advantage of prejudices like race/ethnicities.  This person isn't bad.  This person is special.  It doesn't mean you have to hurt someone else to make another look better.  I'm interested to hear how there's a more complex explanation that doesn't involve hurting someone else's feelings.  Did I seem to bore something in?  That was not my intention..  I didn't say it more.. but just mentioned it more.  It was hard and needed to be explained why I brought it up..

This person is awesome I felt when I saw how she was and I hope her future is just as and more bright.

Another Talented Teen

I could have done it at 15/16.

Could every young hopeful Christine

not pass up me?  I saw some sorrowful girls sing it for college.

Do you ever get jealous or realize that?

I know Ellen DeGeneres wore red like Willy Wonka when she presented the Oscars because Bella Thorne is an actor with red hair and is born in the time Ellen would have had kids, when computers became popular in 1997.  Why are kids born then a lot like me?  They are smart about the same things but at a much later date.  Maybe.

What Ellen did was she was saying that she was there for people Bella's age and Bella herself before they were even conscious.  They get it snazzy.  Don't you just get jealous?  There's no oh I wanna lose this and that, I mean, tho.  Did you know it was considered naughty for us to be like that?

I mean, I didn't happen to watch that year, but she really put on a show.  Those kids don't make it like that.  They don't provide there.  They may in a way, but this is a certain way, what you see, the aura and the way things were created to be.  It is that feeling of love.  It is the feeling you will always be better than others or else be spoiled like kids 5 years older and get, like, bratty and b****y.  Or get moody and have a slight attitude shift.

I am so happy for Bella and her peers, but don't you wish you could be like them?

I mean, Ellen gets turned on to what's popular, and you know what's popular, to rub it in to make people born around 1997-1998 feel good.  They get that when other people did the work to try to deserve to be treated like that.  Just look around the world and see what's happening and what's not happening.  Do you older young people feel threatened to lose your dignity?  Not so for others, not in that way.

IMDb - The Soapbox

I was a tomboy but a clean one.

And when I do something, I sometimes make it!

👲

I wasn't always a tomboy. That was when my brother was young. It's hard to describe. I worse shorts and T-shirts, but a lotta girlish girls do, too.. It's something you'd notice in how a kid acts. I had the short hair. It was a bob and later with angles on the side. I did gymnastics and baton and was thin. 
Why would a non-famous person be compared as more like Ellen than me as far as being famous goes?

Reflections

I feel like I'm sitting with an old goth woman playing the harp waiting for people to die.

I am wondering about Ellen saying she's on top of everyone cuz she had a TV show for a long time and is cool and was famous more longer than many people.  I wonder if she thinks that people who go on a limb but don't look like a typical innocent blonde female who just has this odd love to party are worth anything in the book because there are people who have gone before but mind their business when things don't go like they do for Ellen. the attractive blonde.  Still, there's something funny about her.  She wasn't always like that, like as a kid and teen.

So..

We have the technology just not the right programs, like a better Twitter or Facebook.  Life will be least efficient for us.  Other generations will have more real life.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Who's the adult present in the room here?

I'm watching the baby channel, showed some moms and babies in a colorful room. I wanna get a DME and be a mom. DME = Doctor of Music Education. Too bad I was simply kicked out. I also wanna pursue performance, but I like ME for a college career. 
Sounds like treating us older kids how you treat men to hold their own.
We should start molding young men into great, established, emotional leaders.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Who's the adult present in the room here?

I'm 28, so I feel like I'm an older, matured adult. 

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Assign an animal to a certain race of people.

Hispanics - hairless cats

Whites - honey possums (My brother and I watched something like Geo Kids and he was the bush baby and I was the honey possum.)

Asians - male peacocks

Blacks - lions 
Aw.. Now is a good time to have babies.  I'm on the baby channel.  I'm too po'.  I'm mixed race, too.

IMDb - The Soapbox

Did you ever wonder if all these famous people die on purpose..

I wonder if they are in contact with me via people experimenting on me and watching me in my room making little ticks and affecting how the computer loads. 

Also, I think they are trying to just be impressive by pretending I deserve to be punished for thoughts that come up in my head. 

Anyway, I was in Chemistry Pre-Med for Psychiatry when Steve Irwin died. I came home early that semester and had my courses readily dropped.

After I posted about Michael Jackson on IMDb, I noticed he died.

Brittany Murphy died sometime after Heath Ledger from TDK (The Dark Knight.)

Whitney Houston.

Robin Williams is obvious. He's about my dad's and Dr. Phil's age. Somehow, against her desire, I saw Ellen with Jim Carrey acting like she owned him or something. I had posted that I thought he saw a pic of my brother when for some reason I thought I should tho he said not to. Just because my brother said not to does not mean he should be treated badly, like to pick on me like a goody good.

My mom got glasses and eye surgery and breast and bone cancer.

My brother missed the deadline to apply to get his doctorate right now and will have to start working instead, 1st.


So, outside of that, I wonder if it's aliens hypnotizing them or making a deal to be taken to Heaven by the aliens..

We didn't have deaths and suicides like these when I was growing up when a bit younger. 
Did you know the baby station on TV had some babies doing things with mommy?  Real babies?  That'll be good for my dream career.  Music Education, a DME (Doctorate of Music Education..)

IMDb - The Soapbox

Re: Do people on Facebook annoy you?

I use the Lists and pretty much add anyone to up my count.

It is annoying how overly self righteous people seem to become about their kids. It seems like it's their kids at they keyboard. 

IMDb - The Soapbox

Do people on Facebook annoy you?



It takes too long to load. I just realized people don't have much to say for what it's worth. Pheed and maybe Ello seem better. Pheed, you can separate posts to like type and if you're the author.https://www.pheed.com/ChristinaBarrett

I looked for other blogging sites with fancier features like Twitter and Pheed and what Ello will probably have. Here's my Ello: https://ello.co/christinabarrett. I guess it's best to stick with Blogger. I can't find anything that works better. WordPress is okay if you're not tech-savvy, but if you are you'll notice it's not as customized or not plain enough with customizable options.

The most important feature of a social networking site is a day by day calendar! It's nice to store photos and websites there, too.